After my last post I have been doing a lot of inward searching, "what is it I want to do?" "Who am I really?" "What is my purpose?" And thankfully I found an answer, at the only place one can actually find a true and perfect answer.
"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. " -Matt 6:33-34
I realized that I had been looking in all the wrong places, trying to figure out what kind of job would be best for me. Although those are still issues, and I still don't have the answer to them, I feel more at peace about it than I have in a long time. I realize I DON'T have the answers. And-amazingly enough- THAT'S OKAY. I don't need to know, because He does. And in time He will show me what to do and where to go, but right now all He asks of me is to seek Him whole heartedly and let everything else fall into place in due time. It's not an easy thing for one who likes to be able to be in control, but I realize that my hard-headed stubbornness is something that needs to be overcome and He is asking me to do what I have the hardest time doing- trusting. And so I have to overcome my fears, and do what I almost never do, I have to trust someone. Thankfully that someone is God, and I happen to know that he has my best interest at heart. Even though sometimes I don't agree with His methods at the time. :)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
To be or not to be?
"Life is short", it's a saying I've been hearing since I was little. Normally it ends with "so do something." or other versions along those lines. But lately I've been wondering how people actually intend you to take that? Does it mean that they think you should follow in their example and lead a life like their own? Maybe they mean for you to be more adventurous and live the life of a gypsy (I have to say this one appeals to me). Or perhaps just that you should make the most out of each situation and not take a day for granted. Whatever they mean by it, it just got me to thinking about my own life.
I want my life to count for something, I want to do something meaningful, but what? Now here's where I get stuck. I could be a doctor, but I hate science. I could go into acting which I've always loved, but pretentious people annoy me. I could become a psychologist, but then I'd have to go through 8 more years of school and write and defend a thesis, not something I jump at I assure you. As I was thinking of my own dilemma, I began to wonder how many others feel the same way I do. We are all told to go to college, to finish high school. I uphold these ideals as much as the next person. But we were given this formula as though it would give you the key to success, and just go to college and everything will just fall into place for you. But it doesn't work like that. There are decisions you have to make along the way that make a difference in your future. What major, what minor, which classes to take, where to volunteer, who you meet. But even with all of these, it by no means leads you to happiness. How is it that I have met so many people who have finished with school but just have no idea what to do with their lives now. We completed the equation to find out that the answer is 0.
Its frustrating not having your career set out for you, not knowing exactly what it is that you want to do, not even sure what you're really good at. It makes you feel like the last kid picked for the dodge ball game. But even though its impossible to know the future, I know that I have an advantage. Although I may not know my career, or where I am going to be in 5 years, I know that while I do not know these things, there is one who does and He will help me along the way. So here's to not knowing what's going on, but walking ahead anyway, one step at a time.
I want my life to count for something, I want to do something meaningful, but what? Now here's where I get stuck. I could be a doctor, but I hate science. I could go into acting which I've always loved, but pretentious people annoy me. I could become a psychologist, but then I'd have to go through 8 more years of school and write and defend a thesis, not something I jump at I assure you. As I was thinking of my own dilemma, I began to wonder how many others feel the same way I do. We are all told to go to college, to finish high school. I uphold these ideals as much as the next person. But we were given this formula as though it would give you the key to success, and just go to college and everything will just fall into place for you. But it doesn't work like that. There are decisions you have to make along the way that make a difference in your future. What major, what minor, which classes to take, where to volunteer, who you meet. But even with all of these, it by no means leads you to happiness. How is it that I have met so many people who have finished with school but just have no idea what to do with their lives now. We completed the equation to find out that the answer is 0.
Its frustrating not having your career set out for you, not knowing exactly what it is that you want to do, not even sure what you're really good at. It makes you feel like the last kid picked for the dodge ball game. But even though its impossible to know the future, I know that I have an advantage. Although I may not know my career, or where I am going to be in 5 years, I know that while I do not know these things, there is one who does and He will help me along the way. So here's to not knowing what's going on, but walking ahead anyway, one step at a time.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Beginnings
I realized just how horrible I have been about posting on this blog. I started it a while back to keep people up to date with my daily life, especially as those I love no longer live right next door to me. It's been over a year since I last posted, and what a year it has been. So much has happened, but one of the biggest is I moved across the country.
For 6 months I lived in Berkeley, CA. It was gorgeous there. The weather was between 55 and 72 degrees daily. Being on the San Francisco Bay with breathtaking views was truly and experience. Sadly I don't have many pictures as my camera is lost battery power and I couldn't find my charger, oh and I lost my USB cable. Are you noticing a trend?
I always thought that the pictures of San Francisco must be altered some to make it look prettier, and that the pictures of the golden gate bridge must be taken at special occasions when it could really look that beautiful and have the fog hit it in just such a way. But I quickly found out that California is just a land of fairy tales and beauty. Driving to IKEA we would look to our right and the bay would lay out before us like a cool and serene gem with the city in the background. It's amazing how quickly we become accustomed to such magnificence and it becomes 'normal'. I appreciate it doubly now that I am back home in North Carolina.
I had adventures, learned a lot about myself, thought I was going to get murdered, was on the bridge when there was a suicide attempt, got lost, befriended homeless people, had a random person smoking crack in my neighbors back yard, made friends, lived in a place I never thought I would, saw beauty, walked into as many art galleries as I could, and had an all around experience. It is easy to glorify things more when you are no longer there. I am not saying it was an easy experience. It pushed me in every single way, but I know that we can only grow from our experiences. I can honestly say that I know that being back in NC is the right thing for me at the moment, but I have absolutely no regrets moving out to CA.
For 6 months I lived in Berkeley, CA. It was gorgeous there. The weather was between 55 and 72 degrees daily. Being on the San Francisco Bay with breathtaking views was truly and experience. Sadly I don't have many pictures as my camera is lost battery power and I couldn't find my charger, oh and I lost my USB cable. Are you noticing a trend?
I always thought that the pictures of San Francisco must be altered some to make it look prettier, and that the pictures of the golden gate bridge must be taken at special occasions when it could really look that beautiful and have the fog hit it in just such a way. But I quickly found out that California is just a land of fairy tales and beauty. Driving to IKEA we would look to our right and the bay would lay out before us like a cool and serene gem with the city in the background. It's amazing how quickly we become accustomed to such magnificence and it becomes 'normal'. I appreciate it doubly now that I am back home in North Carolina.
I had adventures, learned a lot about myself, thought I was going to get murdered, was on the bridge when there was a suicide attempt, got lost, befriended homeless people, had a random person smoking crack in my neighbors back yard, made friends, lived in a place I never thought I would, saw beauty, walked into as many art galleries as I could, and had an all around experience. It is easy to glorify things more when you are no longer there. I am not saying it was an easy experience. It pushed me in every single way, but I know that we can only grow from our experiences. I can honestly say that I know that being back in NC is the right thing for me at the moment, but I have absolutely no regrets moving out to CA.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Melia
Melia decided it would be a good idea to try
see how my nose tasted. This pose didn't last long
seeing as this cutie now posses some sharp chompers.
She can always make me smile.
Kisses, hey I do whatever it takes to steal
kisses from Melia. Now like she has a shortage
of them. But she's just so stinking cute.
kisses from Melia. Now like she has a shortage
of them. But she's just so stinking cute.
Do you see those cheeks? Normally I don't
do the whole pinching cheek thing. A year ago I
would have said that I was totally against it.
But you just cannot resist pinching those chunky cheeks!
do the whole pinching cheek thing. A year ago I
would have said that I was totally against it.
But you just cannot resist pinching those chunky cheeks!
Melia is growing up so fast. The night these
pictures were taken was the first night she walked.
She had taken a step before, but she took 3 steps
directly toward me. I was entirely too thrilled. She
went from those three steps to taking up to 5 just
in that one night. Now she walks around almost everywhere.
I cannot believe that she is almost one years old!
pictures were taken was the first night she walked.
She had taken a step before, but she took 3 steps
directly toward me. I was entirely too thrilled. She
went from those three steps to taking up to 5 just
in that one night. Now she walks around almost everywhere.
I cannot believe that she is almost one years old!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Summertime and the living's easy
My best friend Vye and I were fooling around with the camera
while her hubby, Tofer, was on a road trip to CA. This is just
one pic from the montage, we were having flashbacks to being 16.
Pretending to be blond, not too far from the truth at times.
while her hubby, Tofer, was on a road trip to CA. This is just
one pic from the montage, we were having flashbacks to being 16.
Pretending to be blond, not too far from the truth at times.
My adorable little Persephone is getting so big.
I have to give her kisses often; slightly in love.
As most of you know, I am a nanny for a 2 year old
little girl. Her name is Schei and right here she is
cheesing for the camera, this is her interpretation of
"smile!". She's a real cutie and I'm going to miss her
a lot when she starts going to a private pre-school at
the end of this month.
little girl. Her name is Schei and right here she is
cheesing for the camera, this is her interpretation of
"smile!". She's a real cutie and I'm going to miss her
a lot when she starts going to a private pre-school at
the end of this month.
Annnnddd... one of my favorite people in the world!
Here is Melia, she met a new friend, Dawson (I think)
when we went out to dinner at Home Grown right down
the street where AJ and Julie live. Personally I think she
is too cute for words. It's amazing how fast she is growing.
She now crawls like a speeding bullet and can stand up as
long as she holds on to something. She also plops down fairly
gracefully, something she most definitely got from Julie's side;
if you know any of the Stolldorf children you will know that
we are some of the biggest klutz's around. Perhaps Melia will
grow up to be a ballerina or something graceful, that would be
something new to come out of our clan. I don't get to see my
adorable niece nearly enough, as I'm normally in Durham and
between my work and AJ and Julie's work we don't get to have
as many visits and we could wish, but I'll work on getting more
pictures of Melia for all of you doting aunts, uncles, and the
great-grands/aunts/uncles and so on.
Here is Melia, she met a new friend, Dawson (I think)
when we went out to dinner at Home Grown right down
the street where AJ and Julie live. Personally I think she
is too cute for words. It's amazing how fast she is growing.
She now crawls like a speeding bullet and can stand up as
long as she holds on to something. She also plops down fairly
gracefully, something she most definitely got from Julie's side;
if you know any of the Stolldorf children you will know that
we are some of the biggest klutz's around. Perhaps Melia will
grow up to be a ballerina or something graceful, that would be
something new to come out of our clan. I don't get to see my
adorable niece nearly enough, as I'm normally in Durham and
between my work and AJ and Julie's work we don't get to have
as many visits and we could wish, but I'll work on getting more
pictures of Melia for all of you doting aunts, uncles, and the
great-grands/aunts/uncles and so on.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
NEXT '09
This weekend has been without a doubt one of the most amazing weekends ever. I attended NEXT (formerly known as New Attitude). This conference is given by Sovereign Grace Ministries and it is mostly for my generation of young people (youngish anyway). The speakers were Joshua Harris, D.A. Carson, Kevin Deyoung, C.J. Mahaney, and Sinclair Ferguson. Each of the sermons were amazing, all together they went over Jesus. First we talked about His preeminence, then who He was, then His life, and finally Sinclair Ferguson (AMAZING!) did two sessions, one of the resurrection of Jesus, and the other on His return.
I was struck anew with God's grace and compassion for me. I am still in awe that He would have chosen to save me. This weekend just brought me closer to my God, and gave me the full realization that this life is only for HIM. He is not a means to an end, He IS the end. I wish that everyone could have come to this conference you all could share in the awesomeness of God and benefited from all of the teachings. God met me not only in the sermons but in worship. It seemed as though this weekend God wanted to make my sight clear and see Him more fully. The first night during worship I suddenly felt His presence and He spoke to me. Although I gave my life to Jesus several months ago, I was still holding back on some of the sins I had committed in the past. I didn't even realize that I was doing this, but as God spoke to me I saw that I had foolishly held on to one sin in particular and had convinced myself that I could never be as good of a christian as everyone else because I had committed this act. Almost as though He was standing right next to me I heard Him say, "Do you really believe that your sin is more powerful than my blood?" That woke me up! As though showing me His wounds to prove what He had done, He reminded me that He had made me whole again; His blood covered everything. How could I have ever doubted Him? Although I hate my sin, and will never be able to change it, I can only glory in my Redeemer more for what He has done for me. I feel as though my eyes have been opened yet again. To realize that this is only the beginning and I will have the rest of my life and eternity to get to know God more makes me tingle with anticipation.
Terri and Vance, I don't know how to thank you enough for paying for registration which allowed me to go to this conference. It was life changing. I love you so much!
I was struck anew with God's grace and compassion for me. I am still in awe that He would have chosen to save me. This weekend just brought me closer to my God, and gave me the full realization that this life is only for HIM. He is not a means to an end, He IS the end. I wish that everyone could have come to this conference you all could share in the awesomeness of God and benefited from all of the teachings. God met me not only in the sermons but in worship. It seemed as though this weekend God wanted to make my sight clear and see Him more fully. The first night during worship I suddenly felt His presence and He spoke to me. Although I gave my life to Jesus several months ago, I was still holding back on some of the sins I had committed in the past. I didn't even realize that I was doing this, but as God spoke to me I saw that I had foolishly held on to one sin in particular and had convinced myself that I could never be as good of a christian as everyone else because I had committed this act. Almost as though He was standing right next to me I heard Him say, "Do you really believe that your sin is more powerful than my blood?" That woke me up! As though showing me His wounds to prove what He had done, He reminded me that He had made me whole again; His blood covered everything. How could I have ever doubted Him? Although I hate my sin, and will never be able to change it, I can only glory in my Redeemer more for what He has done for me. I feel as though my eyes have been opened yet again. To realize that this is only the beginning and I will have the rest of my life and eternity to get to know God more makes me tingle with anticipation.
Terri and Vance, I don't know how to thank you enough for paying for registration which allowed me to go to this conference. It was life changing. I love you so much!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Summer Ambition
Summer is almost here, I can smell the freedom. I was trying to decide what this summer would be dedicated to. After careful consideration, I decided to read as many classics as possible. I love reading, but feel that there has definitely been a lack in my knowledge of literature. I've already gotten together my first list of readings which include Poe, Whitman, Frost, Plath, Yeats and more, after I catch up on my poets I am going to start on classic novels and just all around good authors and books. Obviously some of you out there *cough* Terri *cough* and others know a lot more literature than I do and I would greatly appreciate any advice on some good books to read this summer. I have a feeling it's going to be a fabulous one. Here's to lovely weather, a good book in hand. cheers.
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